If you haven't read the chapter on Attachments please do so before reading this chapter.
As we spoke about in our discussions on Attachments, attachments are anything and everything we have present in our minds. They exist in our minds because somewhere along the way, something caught our attention and we chose to hold onto it and engage it mentally. Upon every attachment, we place an emotion. Emotions are what we power our attachments with. Therefore the stronger the attachment, the stronger the emotion or emotions involved. And as we have all experienced, if not kept in check emotions can become very powerful and can fly out of control very quickly.
In this discussion we will be focusing on attachments with strong negative emotions involves. Specifically the types of attachments or emotions that we can't seem to let go of and continue to plague us, or trigger us into some sort of reaction because of it.
Here are a few examples of these types of attachments or emotions:
A: A past traumatic experience or an abuse that still negatively affects us.
B: An unwanted and hurtful relationship breakup. Be it lovers, friends or family.
C: Anger issues
D: Abandonment, insecurity, or rejection issues. A strong need to be wanted or loved.
E: Loss of someone very close through death. Especially a child.
F: Bad feelings between a child and their parent/s, carried into adulthood.
Which obviously just names a few.
The Cause
By now the first thing we should understand, and need to if we don't, about any attachment or emotionalal involvment is that we are the mind that created it. It is in our mind because we either went through, or are going through some emotional experience that we very strongly did not or do not like. To such a point that we cannot stop thinking about it, or something reminds us of it and triggers the memory of it back into our mind bringing the emotion or trauma up again.
The second thing we need to know is that there is a reason we are holding onto it. Since we are the mind that controls our own thoughts, we are the ones keeping it there. The question is why?
For example, in the case of a loss of someone close, (especially a child) many may feel that it is just an unacceptable concept to completely let go of them. Or may feel guilty if they do. Maybe the grief helps them to still feel close and they are afraid to lose that closeness. (Only an example)
Just as in many assult situations, if the victim does not feel somehow vindicated for the action committed against them, such as the offender being caught and punished; they may feel that by letting it go the offender is getting away with it.
Every attachment has a reason for being there. Most of the time we are so caught up in the emotion of it all that we may not even realize we are holding onto it, or why. In other words, as insensitive as it may sound, every attachment or emotion we have are there because for whatever reason we desire them to be there. Remember, once again we are the mind that controls our thoughts. Therefore if we are holding onto an attachment or emotion it is there because our desire to have it there is more than we desire it to be gone. Human nature dictates that if we hate something enough we would somehow, someway, get it out of our life.
The Attachment
Having said that, the most difficult thing we face in life is controlling our own mind. Our own emotions. And since our life is a mental experience, mastering the ability to do so is the most powerful thing one can do.
Unfortunately when it comes to emotions, it doesn't matter who you are, emotions happen. Even if you have read every chapter and understand all that is being said about us being the mind in our lives, or if you just have great power and control over your own mind and self, you will experience emotions. And you can be sure, some of them will be very powerful. It's just part of life. A subconscious reaction to the occurance before our conscious has time to catch on. Therefore it is easy to be caught up in the moment and not even realize we are reacting emotionally.
Whether you have been caught up in some attachment or emotion and can't get out, or just come to realize you are in it, when it comes to releasing an attachment there are two things that must absolutely be present.
(A) The desire for that emotion or attachment to be gone must be more that the desire for it to be there.
(B) You have to believe it can be done. Any doubt that you cannot release it will impede on your ability to do so.
Releasing an Attachment
The easiest way to release an attachment/emotion is to just determine that you wish to not be bothered by it again. But you must be truly be committed to sending it away. Meaning your desire to have it gone is very strong, and you must truly believe you can do it. The following explains what that means. If you are sensitive to 'strong' language then I suggest you read the chapter on "No such thing as a bad word."
Remember, you are the mind that controls your thoughts
Once you decide to release that attachment (emotion), and are firmly committed to never allowing it to bother you again, its time to get tough with it. Meaning when it tries to bother you, you tell it "Bullshit! I'm done with you. Get the fuck out of here and leave me alone!"), and mean it. At which point you must absolutely refuse to accept that emotion, and mean it.
The first time you try this, it may take a few moments to get control of it. It may not be easy, but you absolutely must refuse it, and don't stop refusing it until it is gone. Each time that you refuse it, it becomes a little easier to get control of it. If for some reason you give in to it, honestly ask yourself why. Then take a look at the true strength of your desire and commitment to be rid of it.
If you cannot make this work, follow these next steps.
1) Fully accept that whatever has happened, has happened. It cannot be changed. It is
what it is. As hard as that may be to come to grips with, or as insensitive as it may
sound, wishing it did not happen or had turned out differently is just avoiding the
truth of the matter. What exists now only exists in your mind, therefore is an
attachment you created.
2) Locate and isolate the attachment or emotion.
3) Focus in on it and locate the why by asking yourself why are you angry, or sad, or
hurt, or whatever it is you are feeling.
4) Ask yourself what you are getting out holding on to your attachment or emotion,
then what you will lose if you let it go. If your mind denies that you are getting
something out of it, do not listen. You are getting something out of it. That is why
you have it. You just have to find it.
It is extremely important to be honest with yourself as it is very easy to accept or go into agreement with your attachment. Once you do spot the why and the benefit you are getting out of it youy will have a choice to make. You will either have to choose not to let go of it because of the benefit you are recieving from it, or choose that letting go out weighs the benefit. If you choose to hang on, you then own it and have nothing or no one to blame but yourself for it's presence.
Summary
1) You are the mind that runs your life.You already have the power to let go.
2) You must believe, if not know without a doubt, you have the ability to let go.
3) Your desire to let go must be stronger than your desire is to keep your attachment.
4) Easiest way to let go is to absolutely refuse to accept the emotion.
5) If you cannot just let it go, isolate the attachment/emotion and focus in on it.
6) Ask yourself why you are attached, or feeling this way.
7) Ask yourself what you are getting out of keeping it, and what you loose by
letting it go.
8) Once your know the why and what it brings you, your desire will determine
whether you truly wish to let it go.
9) Not letting it go is choosing to keep it. If you choose to keep it, you own it.
The bottom line is this. As the mind of our own life our attachments, emotions, and choices belong to us, and us alone. No one can hurt our feelings or make us feel a certain way. We have the power over our own thoughts. No one else.
I am currently rewriting this chapter. Please visit again, or read other chapters